'i need to talk about that in my blog'

that's what i think now, as i go throughout my day, instead of saying 'i need to post that as a status!'

i dont actually care if anybody comments or even reads this, it has become more of a journal for me. and i love that. i've always been terrible at journaling. okay sorry, getting off topic.

today was pretty great. can i just tell you that i love my little brother? i love that i see him almost every day. that we get to ride in the car together and talk. monday night (woah, that was last night) i was talking to some people after FHE and when i mentioned i shared a car with my brother they were seriously flabbergasted. they were like doubleyou tee eff? kk not really, but kinda. they were saying things like 'just stick it to him, keep the car' or 'does he live by a bus line?' things like that. and i didn't have much to say at the moment. i just stood there. i mentioned that it was actually my parents car, i tried to mention that i've shared a car with ppl that dont share back and it sucks. but really, i just said i wanted to be a nice sister.

as i drove to tonys house tonight, i was considering that conversation. it isn't just that i want to be a nice sister. I want to give tony every opportunity to live a great life. he moved here for a change, to be with friends, to have a job, to experience things he couldn't do if he was still in wisconsin, in his room, being anti-social. i dont want to hold tony back from all the amazing things he can do with his life, just because we have to share a car. it's his car just as much as it's my car. i talked to liz about it last night a little bit. last night i thought, maybe it's because none of those people how much a blessing it  is to still have him in my life, and on this earth at all. they dont understand how many times he's been in mental hospitals. they dont know how scary it is to hear 'tony tried to kill himself again.' maybe they've never had to visit their brother in a mental hospital. to me, it was a life changing experience. (and of course now i'm crying)

i want to do everything i can to make tonys life as amazing as it can be. i have absolutely NO problem sharing a car with my brother. i'm happy we have a car at all. it's teaching me to not be so selfish, that i can't always just think about what i want to do. our lives affects other peoples lives. whether we know it or not. 


so yeah. i love my brother. and i'm happy we can be here, living parallel lives with opportunities to interact and grow closer.

today was another great day. work was great, feeling more prepared to teach a little bit more everyday.

tony forgot what time he had to pick me up. but the weather was so beautiful today. honestly, it kinda reminded me of Hawaii (except we didn't have the humidity.. thanks goodness!)

it was stormy this morning when tony dropped me off, it cleared up, it stormed and got windy again and then it was beautiful all afternoon. i sat in the back yard listening to music and loving the weather. it's gonna get cold this week, so i wanted to enjoy every minute i could.

tonight carol, heidi, valentine and i went to relief society. a make up/beauty specialist was the guest speaker. i learned a lot. i'm pretty sure i was one of the only people taking notes, and i dont even care. now i dont have to worry about forgetting, i have it all written down! i learned how to do my makeup in 5 minutes. i know what i need to get, i know what i need to do different. it was pretty genius.

can i just tell you how disappointed i was to hear that the pre-season games are officially cancelled for the NBA?! i hate all the arguing by the billionaires and millionaires. we just want to watch some ball, gosh dangit! haha

Glee and New Girl were on tonight. Glee was INTENSE!! drama, drama, drama! and new girl, funny as always! what a blast.

you wanna know a pet-peeve of mine? driving on the freeway (i do this daily now, weird) and it seems like all the sports cars drive slow!! like, slower than the semis! i do NOT understand it. yesterday, i passed a Ferrari. it had to be going 60 in a 65. i was thinking 'why are you driving this beautiful piece of work like this!?' that's what  i love about Top Gear. they drive the cars like they were MEANT to be driving. ow ow!

alright. pintrest is pulling me in. so i will say goodnight. sweet dreams blog world.

remember, you are loved.