Faith

Do you ever think back to the times in your life when your heart was broken and you thought "how am I ever going to survive??". When you thought there had to be a mistake, there was no way it could be over. When you struggled just to get out of bed in the morning because you knew you no longer had that happiness. 

I do. I think about that feeling from time to time. My heart aches for me at those times, for the way I felt, for the struggles I had to endure. 

But now that I have finally found the happiness I was searching for, I am even more grateful for those experiences. It's true what they say... I KNOW I appreciate Q and his love for me and the joy I have now, BECAUSE of the crap I went through. Because of the hundreds of thousands of tears I shed. 

It definitely wasn't easy watching my best friends get married, while I continued to strike out time and time again. It wasn't easy seeing my exes get married, while I continued to search and struggle. It also wasn't easy to see my family, especially my parents, bear my sorrows as well. 

But I know, without a doubt, that The Lord was preparing me. He was teaching me. Sometimes it was more of me trying to say 'no, this is how it's really going to be...' But obviously that never worked out. He knew what He was doing. He could see things I could never even have imagined. 

I know the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. He knows what is best for us individually.... In every step of our lives. It is so easy to see that as I look back on my life. But it takes a lot of faith to know that as we look to the future. I know my past helps strengthen my faith in Him and His timing, but the future is such a scary thing and it's easy to lose sight of the plan that's so obvious when we look to our past. 

So my thought tonight is a reminder to me to have faith. Trust I The Lord and his timing. We have our agency, but as we choose to keep the commandments and follow his teachings, He will bless us beyond measure. I know all those big scary decisions like career choice, children, and education are all written into His plan for us. All it takes is prayer and faith to help us know what He wants for us. My hope for all of us, is that we can have the faith necessary to put our trust in The Lord and his timing.